“Dear Lord,” began Randy, who paused for long enough that Tristan sneaked an eye open to look at him. His saw his mother’s cheek twitch with what he thought might be apprehension. “We are so grateful to be gathered here today with our family, and the family of our brother’s homosexual boyfriend, and our new little goth friend who has a gay dad, whatever the heck that is all about. We’d like to say we’re grateful this year for condoms, lube, and Ellen Degeneres, and for those guys on Queer Eye…”
Randall Evan Phillips!” his mother shouted.” >>>
“As soon as this is over, I’m going to reacquaint you with every horizontal surface in my house.”
“Why limit yourself?”
“Laws of physics,” said Michael against his mouth.
“Oh, laws,” Tristan breathed. “It’s just no fun if you can’t break them.” >>>
“Tristan stuck his head around a corner and grinned. “But my parts? Wish you would get your parts in here. I have a can of whipped cream, and I’m not afraid to use it!” >>>
“I think it's romantic," she said mostly to Edward. "Cursed to live their lives in the shadows, to be together only under the cover of darkness... hiding their love from the sunlight."
"They're gay, honey," said Emma, "not vampires.” >>>
“Just looking at you makes me hard," Michael said, stroking his hair. "And that's if you were bald."
"Oh, hell no," said Tristan.
"With the hair?" said Michael. "You're lethal."
"What, this hair?" Tristan teased, moving his head so it fell around them. "My same old boring hair?" He snapped his head and snaked it down Michael's chest and stomach until it tickled his balls.” >>>
“What's a homophone?" asked Randy.
"That's easy," said Devon. "That's what Michael uses to call Tristan.” >>>
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